I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
