Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
