I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
