And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
