i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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