I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
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Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
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He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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