i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
