I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Is it because I queefed?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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