1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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