I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize