Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
