My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
