Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The beer is more important than you right now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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