I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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