I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
