I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
