he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
