Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
