There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
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