Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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