she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
