OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
