I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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