Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i drank out of a bidet.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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