i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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