take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
