I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
