Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
