if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
