I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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