True but thats because hes a fetus.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
