i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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