Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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