He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
