____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
handjob tips. give me some.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
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I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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