Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
