Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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