Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
