I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
