Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
