Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
