sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
