Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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