Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
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Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
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It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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