I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
