he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
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Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
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All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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