Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i love accidental penises.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
