Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
