I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I need to calm my uterus...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
