3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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