the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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