I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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