Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
