im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
