Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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