Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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