dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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