In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
