What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
