I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
