Already got asked if we're dating
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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