Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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