He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize