He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
