dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
