.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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