You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize