i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
