I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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