im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
