So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
