dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
