i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
